Dear Sir,

I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager.

Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but  on this one, I have caught you red handed because I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I can remember you saying at the funeral that he will be very difficult to replace; meaning there is no one at the moment. Well, it’s your lucky day Sir; you have already found the best man for the job so look no more.

It is sad but strategic though, that he left us, at least now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits all should be the substance of a fine businessman. Ironic, yes, but death is truly fair.

Just imagine, the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds. The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for mew to simply jump over the wall into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my hands to quickly buy a driver’s license as I am sure that the Toyota 4x4 will also be handed to me. And Sir, don’t try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just goes to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities speak for themselves.

I am sure that after reading this there won’t be any need for any CV but just verification to see if I am up to the challenge. For that Sir, I will be sending my pictures taken while I was attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I can be when employed. As for my referees, well the same dead manager was my referee so we can skip that part.

I hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning. Thanks for advertising the funeral because I could not have known.

Yours ever smiling even in tough times.

Enjoy the rest of the day.

Two ladies died and met in heaven and the first one asks ‘ How did you die?’. ‘Oh, I died in a freezer,’ the second lady replied. “So how did you die?”, the second lady also asked. “Well I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. When I was coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman,” replied the first woman. The second lady then said, “If only you had looked in the freezer, may be we both might have still been alive!”